I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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