We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
