so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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