I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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