I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im holly from the hills drunk
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
