Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
