They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
