can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
