What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
where are you?
Hypothermia
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
