You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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