I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
