strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
