She is in my trunk
This is not my ceiling
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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