I cockslap morals
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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