Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
