My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
