No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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