it wasn't lemon gatorade
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
