so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
