the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
