I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My ass is underappreciated
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize