Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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