I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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