Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize