Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
