do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
