My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
