HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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