Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize