Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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