Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
