He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize