What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
