God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
