I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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