How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
