so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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