The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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