Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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