Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
