last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
