ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize