Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
