If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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