I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Randomize
