the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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