I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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