I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
