I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
