no, he came in my armpit
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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