Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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