Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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