I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
