Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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