You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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