hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
