I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
