Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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