that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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