K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
