I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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