I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize