Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
