FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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