I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
