hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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