M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
