i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
